he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize