Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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