Sponge bath it is.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
