Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
