He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
