I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
50% drunk capacity currently
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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