i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
