I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
