Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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