i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
