btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
