i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
