I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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