i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
