Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
