I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
