i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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