apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Im part way to drunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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