im having a threesome with these popsicles
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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