dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
