Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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