the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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