I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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