Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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