Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize