I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
And then he peed in my hair
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