you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
