I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
