on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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