You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
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You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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