I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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