my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
