getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
