Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
