I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
