Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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