he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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