i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize