The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize