I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
