So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
