If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
