I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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