...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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