Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
