I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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