I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
