Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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