how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
