Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
