I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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