I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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