apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
