So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
