So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
