I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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