Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
