I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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