remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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