I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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