I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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