we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
