im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
