Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
