Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
