I hope mine doesn't look like that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
