can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize