I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
