Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
