How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
