I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's Friday. Sex?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
