Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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