Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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