I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
