i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I enjoy the company of your penis
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
